Musing about Creativity and Mental Health

I'm a firm believer that EVERYONE is creative. In some way or another. Some of us are writers, artists, photographers, others of us are mothers, scientists, and/or business owners. Whatever you do in life, being creative, being able to look at things from a different angle, makes life interesting, more fulfilling, and brings you closer to your bliss.

Why is it then, when we need it most, creativity escapes us? Like for me, right now. I really want to get lost in my own fiction, to make up someone else's life in a short story and live there awhile. But the muse is just not here for me right now. bitch. Oh, it's not her fault, I know I'm the one pushing her away, closing the door when she knocks, turning on the television to drown her out. But dammit, can't she see I need her?

Maybe I need to wallow in my misery right now, I don't know. I just know that I am struggling to get out of bed in the morning*, although I can't sleep at night, busy brain my sister calls it, and I WANT to want to spend time on my own projects, not the ones that were forced upon me by my father's death, but I can rarely muster the energy to do anything in the evenings except watch television, which of course makes me feel even more pathetic..

Gee, how did a post about creativity turn to that??

So I'm signed up for a class next Friday, a workshop on Overcoming Self Sabotage. Perhaps being depressed about my Dad is just an excuse to NOT do the things, to NOT put in the hard work toward achieving success in my creative endeavors, to NOT achieve success. Perhaps I am just sabotaging myself. I'm hoping that is the case, 'cause I'd much rather think that I am creatively brilliant, but emotionally stunted than to think that I am just a depressed hack.

The creativity hostess, Jill Badonsky, has put together this whole "Unleashing Creative Brilliance" weekend workshop and has teamed up with Dr. Robert Maurer. It looks like a great program, and Jill is a wonderful muse channeler, and she says Dr. Maurer is fantastic.

I also signed up for a workshop on the 30th of September, entitled "It's my story and I'm sticking to it" taught by Debra Ginsberg, through the San Diego Writers Ink.

Yeah. Just keep moving forward. I'm acting "as if" as Dr. Phil would say. As if everything were fine, as if I were not depressed, as if I am a brilliant writer.

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*I should point out that not wanting to get out of bed has nothing to do with my job. I'm actually quite happy with my job at the moment, we have lots of fun creative changes in the near future, and I just got a nice little raise, that really isn't that little, but just makes me feel like I need to step up even more so we can continue to do more fun stuff.

PS: I just read this post and it reads like I'm manic or something. Yikes.