I'm a Writer

I know I've mentioned it before. That I'm a writer. But sometimes I don't feel like a writer. Yes, I write at work. I've published artiles. I write. But there is something extra-specially (writers get to make up words) rewarding about getting your first check. Even if it's not for much, and it's not for your great literary work of art, but for a blog post republished, in print and online-- at The San Diego Reader:



So yeah, I'm a writer.

The real Billy Crystal

I could have sworn I checked the spelling.
But somehow my fingers typed the 'h' not once,
not twice
but 87 times.
Okay, perhaps that is an exaggeration...

The editor of CommonTies.com actually joked (via email to me) that perhaps their spam filter screens for misspellings. yikes. my bad. big bad. I spelled Billy Crystal's name wrong.

I even rank third in Google Search for "Billy Crystal" misspelled. yikes. cached in The Google for god knows how long. Hopefully with this post, I will rank just as high for the correct spelling of Billy Crystal.

And perhaps, my dream will come true... that Billy Crystal will find my blog (do celebrities google themselves like we do-- you know you do, admit it-- or do they have "people" to do that for them?).

I did go back and correct the blog post that referenced "Me and Billy Crystal" to the correct spelling, "Billy Crystal," so maybe he'll find me now. And listen. And like it. And call me up, say "Hi. This is Billy Crystal. Let's do coffee."

Why not me?

Need to follow up!

It's so frustrating to think that with everything you do you have to follow up, to double check, to make sure things are happening as they are supposed to.

In the middle of the crazy Writing and Submitting fest that was my life last week, I submitted a story for the Common Ties Story Blog. First off, they actually pay and second, it is the year of Why Not Me, and third, they pay. Did I mention they pay? Not that pay is the only criteria for respect, but money is measurable, and I have a goal to make some money from my writing this year... so the fact that they publish some fine stories, you retain copyright and they pay, makes it a good opportunity in my mind.

Each week they feature a different theme (grief, cancer, missed connections, mothers, etc.) When I first discovered this website back in Janary, I had just missed the deadline to submit for the Cancer theme (isn't that always the way?). And between then and now none of the other "themes" spoke to me, or I didn't have anything near polished enough to submit... until, May 15 "Open Themes" (could there be any more deadlines for me in May??) So I submitted my Me and Billy Crystal essay, via email, at 8:14 am on May 15. Well within the deadline. Not even close to midnight or anything.

And I waited.

And I got to thinking, "When are those essays supposed to publish?" and "Funny I haven't heard anything." Not that I expect my essay to be published, but I did expect SOME response, the email equivalent of a rejection slip, perhaps... but no, nothing. So I looked online and saw that This week is open theme week. So instead of just saying, "hmm. Oh Well," I actually emailed via the Contact Us page, and said shall I assume a rejection if I've not heard from you? The editor replied (pretty quickly I might add) that yes, that would be the case, and she copied and pasted the response letter text below that should answer any other questions....

So, I'm looking at this email thinking, "I didn't get one of these response letter emails with this information. Hmmm."

So I emailed her back and said, thanks for the info, but I didn't get one of these emails. And she emailed back and said she didn't have a record of receiving an email submission from me. Weird. Slurped into the SPAM box? who knows. I had a record of it being sent, so I forwarded the sent copy to her.

So, we'll see. As I said, I'm not expecting publication... but hey, why not me?

I can't believe I ate the whole thing

Yesterday marked a huge milestone for me. I managed to cobble together all my various and asundry essays and stories into a FIRST DRAFT. And, I managed to get it all printed (167 pages) copied-- double sided and three hole punched-- and mailed out to the participants for the master class at the Taos Writers Conference this July.
As I stood there at Kinkos watching the copy machine spit out pages of my manuscript I cried. I don't know why. It's happy tears, sad tears, woulda shoulda coulda tears, if only I had another day tears, am I ready to move into the revision stage tears.... how will my manuscript stack up next to everyone else's tears. And now what am I gonna do tears.

In fact, this last month has been so hectic and insane I feel like I'm coming down from a big high. I managed to get two scholarship applications (May 1st deadline and May 15th deadline) done (for the Taos workshop) and submitted my audio audition for the public radio talent quest (May 14th deadline) and finally the whole draft of my manuscript submitted for workshop, deadline May 18th.

So now what? Well, I still have my local read and critique group. I have two chapters that I sort of just put placeholders in for the "whole draft" so I can write those.... and I'm working on some more audio stuff. And I have 8 books to read between now and July 7.... the manuscripts from my fellow workshop attendees AND the two books Greg Martin has assigned: Pharaoh's Army by Tobias Wolf and Fierce Attachments by Vivian Gornick.

and maybe I'll just go back to sleep....

too much to do. too overwhelmed.

Why does everything happen at once??

I'm so overwhelmed right now, I must take a blog break...

So, I've got the Taos Writers Conference coming up. I'm signed up for a master class with Greg Martin (am I crazy? don't answer that) I SHOULD have a "whole draft" of my memoir, "Reconstructing My Mother." What I have is a messy 170 some pages. If I force a square memoir into a round peg does that make it whole?
Deadline Friday, May 18.

If that weren't enough I've decided this is the year of WHY NOT ME? What that means is that I have to do the things I think about doing... like apply for two merit based scholarships for the Taos Writer Conference... because, why not me? I mean if I don't apply, I certainly will not get a scholarship, right? The first scholarship, sponsored by A Room Of Her Own Foundation, due May 1. Done. The second, the Leo Love Merit Scholarship, due May 15. Sending tomorrow.


And then there's the Public Radio Talent Quest. I had to enter that! And maybe I flubbed it, didn't tell enough about myself... didn't describe the piece well enough on my entry, Creativity is, but I did it. All in the name of Why Not Me? Well I have a 10 in 1300 chance of making to the next round. Maybe a little better because honestly I think my entry was better than some. If you feel compelled, please do go vote for me (note, you'll have to register, but my entry is only 2 minutes long.). One of the 10 spots will be determined by votes.

So now I'm down to the thing that I should have been focusing on all along, putting together my "whole draft." And instead, I blog! Is this some form of self-sabotage? am I afraid to write? to succeed? or am I just crazy? don't answer that.

PS: shit. I inadvertently posted this post onto the Taos Writers Conference blog that I have been invited to participate on. thank god I caught it in time and deleted it. Totally inappropriate to self-promote over there! whew.

PS #2. I also want to submit a story for the Common Ties Story blog. Deadline on open themes May 15.

What about that radio show?

Of course I should be working on my book... but I have 6 more days to generate 60 pages. Cake, right? hah!!

Anyway, Regarding my Audio Audition over at the Public Radio Talent Quest.... Creativity is... you may recall my mini doculogue movie from a while ago of the same title I used some of that audio and re-worked it, laid down a background music track -- me on guitar, Julie on harmonica-- and framed it with some commentary:

When you think of creativity, of people you consider creative, if you're like most people you think of artists: writers, painters, sculptors, poets, dancers,
... musicians

maybe you even think of crafters, you know, those people in your life that can take a piece of string and a paperclip and with McGyver like skill turn it into something useful like a doorstop, or a potholder.

Now I can hear you shaking your head even before I make this next statement, but...
I believe EVERYBODY is creative.

Yeah.
Really.

Everybody.

Even you.


You probably just don’t recognize what you do as creative.

That’s where I come in.



Come along with me as I get to know artists, writers, musicians,

and business owners, scientists, teachers, engineers, carpenters, moms, bankers, pet sitters

Creative people from all walks of life

So it is done. It is what it is. I'm happy with my submission. Maybe it will turn to naught but another clip for my blog... or the start of my new radio show or podcast, or whatever. Just a reminder... you can listen to Creativity Is and vote. You have until June to vote (I'll remind you again, don't worry)

PS: what about that radio show

Logging in and commenting on my entry would make me look really popular.... just a suggestion :-)

and now I'm back to work on MY BOOK. Seriously. I have a good hour until the mariachis begin. (long story)

Shameless Plug: Public Radio Talent Quest

OK, since this IS my blog, I guess I can plug anything I want... myself included.

If you get a few minutes, 2 to be exact, check out my entry over at the Public Radio Talent Quest, Creativity Is....

If you have a couple more minutes, like maybe 4, you can register and vote.... and hang around, grab a mug of coffee and listen to some other awesome audiophiles.

Today's Therapy

Today's therapy session for Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22):

Your planetary ruler Mercury is highly charged now as it moves into Gemini, its other home sign, increasing the general data flow in your life. Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily make you feel more comfortable or more capable.

Great. I was hoping my weird mood would be changing soon. Thank god Mercury is NOT in retrograde. That would be more than I could handle.

You would rather have less information that is more useful.
Don't panic, for this transit won't last.
In the next couple weeks, do whatever you can to soothe your frazzled nerves.

So, yoga tonight? or nice glass of cabernet?
hmmmm.

Astrologer or Therapist?

Today's horoscope via tarot.com

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

Circumstances seem to get in the way of your high hopes for meaningful dialog today. There are so many topics you really want to talk about as your emotions bump up against the reality of your current relationships.

Even if it feels like the resistance is coming from someone else, look within to see how you have contributed to establishing the distance. Increasing your self-awareness will help the boundaries dissipate over the next few days.

makes me think I should find the services of a good astrologer rather than a therapist...

But wait, there's more

If bad things come in threes I'm in trouble.
I'm bummed because my plans to have FUN this evening were cancelled.
and so I worked late, great talk with my boss, brainstorming, planning, shooting the breeze, finishing up some stuff...
and then my roommate called.
Alex, my cat, has another Urinary Tract Infection. It's bad. She's bleeding a lot.
So I fly home as fast as my little turbo-charged beetle can take me, to take care of my cat. It's bad.
Her little kitty bed (lined with newspaper) is red with blood. Bloody urine.
nice.
and her little kitty but is drenched in urine soaked blood.
I gave her an antibioitic I have left over from the last UTI.
Then I called the vet.
I really don't want to take her in.
It's traumatic for everyone.
And Expensive.
And I'm broke.
and all this reminds me what a Bad Kitty Mommy I am.
She's 14 years old.
And costing me a fortune.
I've renamed her "Down Payment."
And I don't want to put her down.
Because I'm not sure I can do it.
How do you know when the time is right?
Every 3 or 4 months we go through this bloody but thing.
And she can't walk very well.
But she still loves me.
And she still likes to play with the newspaper, especially on Sunday Mornings when we play hide the kitty in the paper.
And she purrs.
And she has her box that she stays in most of the time.
And when there's dinner involved she can get to the kitchen in record time, even if she is dragging her hind legs behind her.
So is it time?
And how can I force her into the cat carrier and take her to the vet where she hates everyone and will hiss and growl and try to bite and then they will kill her?
shit shit shit shit shit.
Probably a good thing my plans got cancelled 'cause I am NOT good company right now. But still, it sucks having to do all this shit alone.

When did I become invisible?

Do you ever wonder if you're invisible?

Like when you're in the grocery store. And you've conscientiously pulled your cart to one side of the aisle so other people can pass while you scan the shelves looking for oh, let's say a bottle of basalmic vinager. And along comes some woman who doesn't make eye contact. With anyone. And stops her cart. Right. In front. Of you. Blocking your line of vision to the shelf of vinegar. And still. She won't make eye contact with you. Maybe it's because you are invisible.

how pathetic am I ?

I'm totally bummed because my evening plans got cancelled.
It's NOT that I don't have other things to do-- you know,
THE BOOK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING.
but I'm so damn tired of doing stuff alone.

Best Night Ever!

Well, maybe not the best night ever, but right up there! I had SO much fun last night I thought I'd share.

First off, my very bestest friend Julie came down from L.A. (she moved there for L.O.V.E a couple years ago) ANYWAY, Julie was down because she had a business meeting in the early a.m. on Monday.

Julie and I always have so much fun together. We can laugh together and cry together, and talk about really serious stuff, and stuff you would never ever ever talk to anyone else about. And sometimes we just get really silly. She brought her harmonica and her juice harp, and we noodled around on my guitar, and made our own radio show. Even though I am not doing a radio show.

So we add to the mix my friend Rich coming over so we could finish working on the audio production of Lil Soldier, a short story in his collection of stories, Julie In Mittens.

And Judy G joined us... another of my very talented writer friends from my Read and Critique group (led by Judy Reeves). (we'll be recording Judy G's story next!!)

We each got to read dialog parts from Rich's story. I was Mrs. Cartwright the teacher, but couldn't really get the exasperated-over-worked- under-appreciated- pissed-off-teacher tone so I needed a LOT of direction. Julie was the oh so sweet Miss Mindy, and Judy G nailed it as Davy's mom. (Rich was Davy, the 10 year old narrator with a very deep voice)

My favorite part was when I decided that the scene under the wheel barrow would sound better if it were spoken under a giant soup pot for the echo-effect. I especially liked the part where I made Rich wear it on his head for full effect even though he didn't really need to do that. But he looked really funny and I should have had my camera but I did not. oh well. next time.

I wish I could have creative fun like that every night. Writing can be such a solitary and sometimes somber (I love alliteration) experience.

Last night, bringing Rich's words to life, speaking them out loud, fumbling over them, working together, laughing.... it is what I imagine being in a band is like-- getting together to jam and make great music together.

sometimes ya gotta wonder

So I was invited to see a show last night with my friend Rich. Actually it started as "a modest proposal" which of course got me to thinking all kinds of strange thoughts (read Jonathan Swift's essay "A Modest Proposal")

EMAIL SUBJECT: a modest proposal

I just had an idea (too much coffee at work). Remember I told you about my friend the Burlesque/Caberet girl? Her one-woman show is next Friday, May 4th at this place called the Funhouse. My friend and I are going. Do you want to go? I'm not sure what to expect from the show, but she's really entertaining and says it will be a mixture of comedy/music/caberet and a gameshow (??).

Anyway, I was thinking she would be a perfect person for you to record an interview about creativity for your future radio show. She's a single mom, works her ass off entertaining San Diego 7 nights a week (seriously, her resume/work schedule is off the hook), is a great storyteller, and I'm assuming the show will be very creative. I think she'd be an interesting subject--she's EXTREMELY candid--and I can set it up easy if you're interested.

Whaddya think?
-rjb

I didn't know what to think.... except first off, I'm not doing a radio show! I'm writing a book. Or at least I'm supposed to be. Even though the idea of a radio show has been tossed around, and I LOVE audio. Bottom line, this proposal stressed me out on so many levels. So, after several emails back and forth, by which time I'm sure Rich was like "sheesh its just a show/idea/email and I had no idea Jenn was so damn neurotic." I suggested we start with I would (forego First Friday Open Mic) go see the show. (Note: Rich has read most of my memoir, so he should know how neurotic I am)

Of course I stressed about the First Friday thing all Friday long. I mean I'm a REGULAR at First Friday. I'm comfortable there. People KNOW me. I'm in the IN crowd. sort of. I mean I get invited to dinner after the show. And best of all if the show is bad, wait three minutes, someone else will be on!

But this... trapped in a tiny theater. Watching a One Woman Show. Put on by a burlesque dancer. I was skeptical, but I decided to reach outside my comfort zone and go. Besides, I like Rich (I'll fill you in on him in another post-- he's an awesome writer and I promised to review his manuscript).

So it wasn't as bad as I thought it could be. But (there's always a but!)it wasn't as good as I had hoped either.

The One Woman is a woman named Laura Jane of San Diego. Wilcock she'll tell you... not Wilcox, only one cock, not two cocks, one cock dangling at the end of her name just in case she needs one. is that funny? she likes to say the word "cock" a lot. Oh, and Celine Dion is a slut. whatever that means.

Laura Jane has a lot going for her:

• She actually CAN sing. Of course she yucks it up with a lot of crude humor, but she has a decent voice.


• Her poetry is pretty good as well. Delivery campy of course, but some fun word play.


• Some of her "skits" (for lack of a better word) were funny (she does bill herself as a comedienne). I particulary enjoyed her song medley of different impressions from Lou Rawls and Elvis to Carol Channing, Britney Spears, Cher... sans Celine, of course.


• And she has a lot of guts getting up there on stage and baring her... well you knew that was coming, didn't you... more on that later...


• It was acceptable to brown-bag booze, but I didn't know that ahead of time

For me, what the show lacked was a coherent story line. Or an added layer of some sort of social commentary.

Maybe I'm a snob, maybe I've become an old fart, a stuffed shirt, I don't know, but the humor was the kind of thing I would have laughed at when I was 13.

I wasn't offended by any of the crude humor, I just didn't think it was very funny, and often, instead of getting more complex, digging deeper, I felt like Laura Jane was going for the easy laugh, the cheap shot or just trying to be shocking.

Nudity was to be expected, especially since Rich said she was a "burlesque/caberet gal," but the full frontal boobage didn't really add to the story, except perhaps to give Laura Jane an opportunity to show off her very ample and pendulous breasts.

The "skit" which afforded Laura Jane this opportunity was when she told a story about her being torn between wanting to suckle one of the pastries or some chick's breasts... so she came out on stage, topless of course, carrying a full plate of pastries. It was predictable.

The game show portion of the show, thank god didn't involve me as a contestant. I won't go into details, but one of the gals that was with us actually won and the gift prize bag included a small bottle of Jaeggermeister and some Red Bull. And kindly enough 4 plastic glasses. So we silently toasted Laura Jane from the back row. And let me tell you I thought Red Bull alone was bad. It's three times as bad mixed with Jaegger. bleckh.

So. I'm glad I went. It was amusing. Kudos to Laura Jane for getting out there and doing it-- whatever "it" is. She does appear to have an audience of regulars who enjoy her show and had lots of opportunities to laugh. It's just not for me.

As to an interview. Well, we'll see. I've got a May 18 deadline to mail my manuscript. So I don't really have the time right this minute to work on a radio show of any kind. Maybe next month.