Finaly notes from the Writing Marathon...finally

This was from a prompt from Judy Reeves, "I discovered...."

I discovered more about myself than about my mother. I discovered that I carry parts of my my mother in me and not just my father. I discovered that it is not all genetic and the parts that are environmental can be changed.. I discovered a longing for adventure inside my soul. I discovered a need to nest too.

I discovered regret on the table right next to grace, down the way from milkweed. I discovered I DO like to write in groups and I WILL miss my tribe mates.

I don't know what the prompt was for this snippet, but Saturday, the day of the marathon, was the day after the paddle out for Colin Wagschal and he was on my mind.

A broken surfboard, the name Colin Wagshal written with a thick black felt tip marker-- a Sharpie maybe-- more permanent than the young surfer. Pictures printed out and taped to the fiberglass prove Colin was here. The lilies, birds of paradise and baby's breath prove that he no longer is.

and the final prompt: The Present Moment

My eyes are starting to blur and I feel my shoulders inching closer to my ears. My fingers are cold. My ears are cold so I put my hood up. Maybe it will help me keep all the great ideas from escaping. Or maybe it will just keep my ears warm.

How do I write the moment and live it at the same time?

I am writing on the last line of this page, and so I turn the page and continue. A cool, no make that cold breeze comes in through the open window and Steve is happy.

I want to take all the pencils home and recycle the plastic bottles that lay strewn and empty on the table. Judy calls time and we are done.

SO thanks to everyone who contributed... together we raised over 13 THOUSAND dollars for San Diego Writers, Ink. Your official thank yous are coming soon.

Dear Anonymous,

Just a little heads up. I will no longer be accepting comments from you. It's not that I don't appreciate civil discourse. But civil is in fact the operative word here.

You make a lot of patronizing references to "people like you" and "the likes of you" as if you know me. You know nothing about me. And I know nothing about you. Maybe you just got fired. Maybe you just lost your best friend, or your spouse walked out on you and you decided to take it out on me. Whatever. Too bad. I am drawing the line here.

You consider my blog nothing more than me "spewing trendy blabber," that I have no original thought and I say nothing relevant. Besides, as a marketing guru everything I write has a "hidden motivation." So, I'm sure you won't mind if I simply reject your comments.

And while I'm drawing lines. I will no longer accept Anonymous comments from anyone. I won't go so far as to require you to have a Google account, however, if you don't put your name or email or link to YOUR website on your comment, I won't publish you on MY blog.

And if you agree with Anonymous, that my blog is irrelevant trendy blabber, then move on. There are some 10 billion other websites out there. Or make your own blog where you are free to opine until the cows come home.

We're Getting Down the the WIRE here...

The Holy Blazing Laptops Write-A-Thon
There's still time to sponsor me!
And make sure I get one of the cool shirts I designed!

Pictured left here is the extra-ordinarily talented Ms. Judy Reeves. She's not only my writing coach/mentor, she is the executive director of San Diego Writers, Ink.

UPDATE: some of you have already donated... you'll be getting a full report and an official thank you after the event.

I'm a little shy of my $500 goal, so if you have not yet donated, do feel free to click!

Holy Blazing Laptops!

Jennifer is writing a marathon!
That's right, WRITING, not running…. To support San Diego Writers' Ink

WHAT? How do you WRITE a marathon?
I'll be joining fellow writers in an all-day writing marathon led by a number of workshop leaders over a 10-hour period. Yes, 10 hours. That's non-stop write-til-you-drop fun on March 29 from 9 am to 7 pm.

WHY? Why? Why would you do such a crazy thing?
As most of you know, I am a writer. What you may not know is that I am a member of, and volunteer for San Diego Writers' Ink (SDWINK), a non –profit organization that "nurtures writers and those wishing to explore the craft of writing, fosters a literary community, promotes literature and celebrates artistic diversity."

Through SDWINK I have had the opportunity to study with many respected (and published) writers and workshop leaders, I've been able to perform my work live at open mics and I've developed an important support network of fellow writers-- which came in handy when I got my first rejection letter, also from SDWINK. That support network also came in handy for celebrating when my first piece was accepted for inclusion in the audio anthology, Best of First Friday CD... it's a support network I will miss greatly when I'm in grad school (in case you haven't heard-- I've been accepted into the Masters of Fine Arts / Creative Writing program at University of New Mexico)

WHY? Why? Why should you care?
The Write-A-Thon is a fundraiser, and I'm asking you to show your support of me and my writing. Besides, the more money I bring to the table the better I'll look in front of my writer friends.

Seriously, San Diego Writers Ink is a terrific organization that supports emerging writers like me. It is a 501(C) 3 organization-- which means you get a tax deduction!

Any amount you can give will be greatly appreciated, and will help me meet my fundraising goal of $500.

You can donate ONLINE if you like via my personal Pledge Page. Payments are processed via PayPal account or credit card (using the PayPal credit card processing system). Or, you can download a printable form at the San Diego Writers Ink website.

If you are unable to give, that's fine too. I appreciate your support, good vibes, well wishes in any way.

And if you know a writer of any level, tell them about San Diego Writers, Ink.

Alls Quiet on the Western Front

Big sigh. I have been holding this one in for a long time, though those of you in my inner circle (Hi Uncle Bill! Hi Debby!) have known about this for a long time...

I have been accepted into the MFA in Creative Writing program at the University of New Mexico.

So, I'm going to Albuquerque.

It all began in July 2005 at the Taos Summer Writers Conference....

I signed up for Gregory Martin’s memoir class with the intent of vacationing in Taos and learning a little more about writing. Instead, I saw little of Taos and indulged in the literary landscape of the conference. Rather than enjoying the wonderful restaurants of Taos, I gorged on the readings, the panel discussions and of course the extra stack of essays from Greg—this was in addition to the three books he assigned ahead of time. His class changed the way I looked at my writing, forcing me to see beyond the basics to craft features such as character, persona, dialog, conflict, point of view and time of writing voice.

That first conference also saw the birth of what is now my book-length project, “Reconstructing My Mother.”

For the last two and a half years I have been working on this project with my local Read and Critique group facilitated by Judy Reeves. Working with other writers has helped me stay on track producing prose.

In 2007 I was accepted into Greg Martin’s Taos Master Class so I gathered up all my writing, stuffed it into a three ring binder and called it a first draft. I knew at the time it was premature but I was eager to work with Greg again and the class was an opportunity to get a fresh perspective on my work and address it as a whole. My classmates were all talented writers, with full length manuscripts covering everything from adopting a special needs child to researching a famous naval architect father. All these other writers had master's degrees, or law degrees. It was a little intimidating.

During my one-on-one evaluation with Greg, he said to me, "You make all these self-depracating remarks about how you're not as smart as all these people with master's degrees.... why don't you just go get a master's degree?"

In other words, he challenged me, and I took him up on it. I applied this winter, and was accepted into University of New Mexico last Wednesday. Greg called me himself.

So now I find myself excited, intimidated, scared (terrified really) and overwhelmed, but I'm going.

I'll need to be in ABQ in August. Classes start August 20.

Wish me luck!

Citizen Voices Blog Launches Without Me!

KPBS has just launched the Citizen Voices Blog today.

Without me.

They had the opportunity to talk about the project, partisanship and politics and the upcoming election on the KPBS These Days program, hosted by Tom Fudge.

I must say, it looks like an interesting lineup of political bloggers. And of course in hindsight, it's probably just as well I'm not in the thick of it. Now, I can focus on my other writing projects. So instead, I look forward to reading the blogs, commenting, and adding my own spin here on my own blog, on my schedule.

Have fun everyone.

And if you're in one of the Super Tuesday States-- DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!
And if you're not registered to vote, you'll miss out on the primaries, but don't let the general election get by without your vote!

PS: it couldn't be any easier to register to vote in California. Not sure about the rest of the US.

Its not Easy being Green er, uh, Blue

Maybe not really blue, but definitely out of sorts. Is it winter? the holidays? Or one more step in the grieving process... post holiday blahs? post vacation (I have a boring life) blues?

We are almost done closing up my Dad's estate. For our trip to Hawaii, Debby and I were able to use my Dad's US Air air miles for a free trip (did YOU know you can inherit miles?). When we got home the lawyer told us that the IRS is going to forgive the penalties and interest they wanted to extract from us. So that's good news, right?

Somehow it makes my Dad's death all the more real. Finalizing makes things, well, final.

It is time to move on, I feel it. And even though in some ways having all this paperwork pending keeps me closer to my Dad, I know it's closer in a thoroughly unhealthy way. I'm just not entirely sure how to push through. I have projects of my own I am not working on. Writing I am not doing. So if anyone has any tips, or recommendations for a good therapist, let me know. :-)

I'm just so honored to be nominated....

It's bullshit. I want to win. I'm tired of being nominated. Yeah, I said I didn't really care, that I was so honored to get invited in for an interview.... that I totally would understand if they had the single, non-soccer mom, non-property-owner, no tax deductions, north county coastal liberal perspective covered.

But I lied.

I lied to myself. I care. It sucks that I was rejected. Again.

I really wanted to be a part of the Citizen Voices project.

So sure, it was an honor to make it to Round 2, to be asked to submit additional writing samples. It was an honor to be asked to come in for an interview... to drive an hour out of my bubble to get stuck in traffic on the way home... to meet a bunch of really cool people and have a great conversation that we called an interview. But dammit, I'm disappointed.

So why not me?

My new friend Aaryn sent me a link to this:
http://elizabethgilbert.com/writing.htm

My sister said, "I know just how you feel, Jenn. When I was a dancer I was rejected all the time for lots of reasons which had nothing to do with my talent: not tall enough, not thin enough, not fat enough, not blonde... " reminding me that being in any creative endeavor, you need to have a tough skin.

Not sure I have a tough skin, but I do have a lot of awesome people cheering me on from the sidelines.
--

You're Invited

If you're in the San Diego area, you're a fan of spoken word art, you know me, you want to meet me, you want to meet great writers in San Diego, you already know me and haven't seen me in a while, or you have nothing else to do on the First Friday of December 2007..... then come to the San Diego Writers Ink First Friday Third Anniversary / CD Release Party!
DATE: Friday, December 7, 2007

The evening starts at 6 pm. Come early to get a good seat, mingle with fabulous writers and nosh on literary delicacies (that's good food with a fancy name).

Readings start at 7 pm.

If you'd like... bring three minutes of prose to share.

Giveaways --including a Sony Reader-- will be dispersed throughout the evening.

COST: Tickets only $5 at the door!

WHERE?

Swedenborgian Hall
4144 Campus Ave. San Diego

AND... to get you up to speed on the performances from the past year, order your BEST OF CD "First Friday: The CD of Year 3" supporting San Diego Writers, Ink.
--yeah, a little shameless plug there, I'm one of the best of....
-

Poetry or prose?

Notes of Rhapsody
in blue-green flow around me
lucid, fluid sharps and flats clarified by perfect Cs
round like pebbles
laying in the shadows
of leafy trees
along the waters edge.

I'm Better Out Loud!

My entry, Letters From Heaven, was selected for San Diego Writers, Ink Audio Anthology : Year 3.

Whew. After all the rejection I was feeling like maybe I am not a writer. But maybe, just maybe I am better out loud than on the page.

The coolest part is that we get to re-record our submission at the KPBS (public radio) station.

If you want a sneak peek, check out the September Stories over at the First Friday Prose website. If you want to hear me live and in person, come to the Third Anniversary Party for First Fridays on December 7th.

Did I forget to mention...

I just applied for a blogging gig. For KPBS radio/tv.

KPBS is recruiting bloggers for an election-based project called Citizen Voices. Six people will be selected to blog as "citizen journalists" for KPBS.org from January 2008 through November 2008. Selected applicants will be trained (beginning Nov. 2007) in journalistic ethics to maintain fair and accurate writing. Those selected will represent diverse perspectives (culture,life experience, gender, and geographic) and write about how election issues affect their lives and their communities. In addition to being published on KPBS.org, bloggers will periodically be featured on-air on KPBS Radio and TV..... continue reading about the Citizen Voices Project ->

As part of the application, they requested a cover letter (300-500 words) outlining your (my) experience, along with a professional resume and clips of any published work.

How in the world do you sum up who you are, and your "unique perspective" in 500 words. I didn't even get to MENTION the fact that I am writing a book. And that I have a cat that just died. And my sister has cancer.

It's so hard to know what to put in, and what to leave out.

I barely touched upon my political views. Or the fact that although I say I am left leaning I am so disgusted with the politicos on BOTH sides of the aisle, and that I am tired of the divisivness, and the personalization, and demonization within our own nation, and that I can say that in rhyme. Should I have mentioned my idea for mandatory political service by lottery? sort of a draft for congress? Or my uncle's idea to curtail lobbyist spending by moving the capitol to Boise... think about it.

At one point I had revealed that I'm an NPR-o-holic but I figured the convulsions said it better. Should I have written that I like long walks on sandy beaches at sunset, and I enjoy fine wine and foreign movies? nevermind. wrong ad.

The fact that I studied Spanish Linguistics is on my official resume, but it doesn't fess up that my Spanish gets really good after a couple shots of tequila. Or that I can say "Please pass the butter" in German.

And I didn't include the fact that I could PODCAST my blog posts, recording on my M-Audio digital recorder, and my fancy Beyer microphone (with XLR to 1/4" cable) and I can edit my own audio and lay in a music track, and ...

Oh well. It's done. I applied. A continuation of the year of Why Not Me.

So, dear readers-- all five of you-- I thought I would share my little essay. All about me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. And when you're done reading... we can talk about you. Just leave a comment and tell me what YOU think about me. Old joke, I know.

I am applying for the Citizen Voices project. My writing skills, experience as a blogger, passion for public radio and interest in politics would make me a great citizen journalist for KPBS. Of course I think my perspective is unique. I believe we all have more in common than not, politically, socially, and culturally. I do admit to leaning to the left but I strive to be fair, and to listen to all sides of an issue before I make a decision. Perhaps its my Libra rising. And perhaps that is my tongue in cheek salute to my California roots.

I scan the Union Tribune with my morning coffee and count on my commute to keep me up to date and ready to good-naturedly debate friends, family and co-workers. I drive to work listening to Morning Edition and on the way home I catch Marketplace. I nearly went into convulsions when I found out that I could subscribe to public radio podcasts with my new iPod. At work I'm known as Google Girl. I'm always the first to find information online. I know my way around the internet and even manage two blogs along with the company's MySpace presence.

As a Navy brat I lived all across the country from Washington DC to Hawaii though I rightfully call myself a California native. And,because my grandparents retired in Del Mar in 1972 the San Diego area has always been home. I spent my college years here, and except for a six-year stint in Chicago in the 90s, I've spent most of my adult life here as well, from La Mesa to Leucadia. I currently live in Solana
Beach.

Through San Diego Writers, Ink, I participate in the First Friday Prose open mic event each month. Over the last year I've gotten fairly comfortable performing in front of a microphone. My only television experience was in Argentina in 1993 as part of a Group Study Exchange Program sponsored by Rotary International. Our team
was big news throughout Patagonia and as one of the strongest Spanish speakers, I was often called upon to speak for the group. In Spanish.

I'd like to think my community is the global community, but the truth is I've cobbled together a rag tag group of middle-aged, middle income, mostly local friends from all walks of life: writers, artists, construction workers, real estate agents, computer geeks, accountants and flight attendants representing most of the middle of the political spectrum. We care about local, national and global issues, and sometimes dryer lint.

We all want the same things out of life, good health, a decent job, a nice place to live and to find fulfillment creatively, and spiritually.

My resume is attached, which includes a list of published articles and links to my various blogs. I am eager to learn more about the citizen voices project-- I'd love the opportunity to participate.

Regards,
JeSais

PS. I vote.

Of course I have 200 pages of unpublished, incomplete memoir that perhaps says it better, or more deeply than I would say on a blog. Or in a cover letter or a resume.

Who are any of us anyway?

LA Bloggers Live ReCap and Podcast

Longtime blogger and husband to Leahpeah, ... Joe Crawford of artlung.com kicked off the first ever L.A. Bloggers Live! event, reading a few posts from way back, I'll title it "Onward."


Next up, Deezee from Confessional Highway, reminiscing about the LA Forum... she must be one of the coolest moms on the the planet!


Next up, Neil of Citizen of the Month. If you think he's funny in writing, just wait until you hear him live with this post, My Russian Bride. We even got to meet Sophia:


I had to follow Neil. It was tough. He rocked it. I gave it my best shot, representin' for the San Diego Bloggers.... a little Barbie rant and a little poetry:


Abigail from My Life According to Me shared a couple of "Letter to a travelling lover" posts-- she thought it would be easier to read heart felt posts about an old boyfriend!


Wildbell Will shared a great post about the perils of biking in LA. (you couldn't pay me to do that even if I were in great shape! I don't even like to drive around LA!)


Peter from The Buddah Diaries, shared a post called The Aging Suit, a poetic musing about, well, aging... delivered in a lovely British accent!


LA Daddy, Tim shared with us a post about A Boy (Tim) and his bike and 300 Spartans...


Leah finally took the stage as a blogger and not just as a hostess with the mostess, and read her post, about (bump-step) running away (bump step)....


and with a suprise, last minute entry into the LA Bloggers Live event, turns out the hostess of the Tangier Lounge is also a blogger... So with a little extra time left, Marissa of the Engle Angle joined us.

Live. From L.A. It's LA Bloggers Live

SO... I was thinking I would read my Me and Billy Crystal post. But it was an audio post already, so if you really want to hear about Me and Billy Crystal, you can listen here at my blog. Then I got the brilliant idea that I would read a post from one year ago. But "Not. Good. Enough," it is a bit of a downer.

I've opted to read two posts. One, what I have since developed into what I call my Barbie Rant, but started here as a blog post, so I will read it in its original raw form. Very hard for me to not tweak it, or read it in its now polished form. I'll also read something a little different, I'm not a poet.

Hopefully we'll get the audio recording working and I'll post here.
If you are in the LA area... drop on by. 6:30 pm at the Tangier Lounge.

Oh for Four

Not being much for sports, I'm not sure if that's how you say it or not.... the fact that out of the 4 things I shot for last month, I bombed on all four. Let's recap:

1. I'm not in the running to be the next public radio star

2. No Leo Love scholarship

3. No Room of Her Own Foundation scholarship

and finally,

4. No publication in Commonties Story Blog

Yes, I'm obsessing about it. I'm not all weepy or anything anymore, but rather contemplative. I think if I had played sports I would be better able to handle this. Yup. Sports is the key. You learn how to fail. How to really blow it, then get back in the game again. And again.

Perhaps also as important, playing sports teaches you how to win... because even when you win, you still have to do it again the next day. Or the next month or year. You can't rest on your laurels (what ARE laurels anyway?)

Practice is another good sports lesson. How you practice, a little every day, and see a little improvement every day. No one right out of the womb knows how to score a homerun, or do a jump shot. Nope. That takes practice. Practice may not make perfect, but it sure gets you a lot closer.

Sports also teaches you to work with a team (that is if you play team sports). You learn how to let each person do what they do best and you compensate for each others' weaknesses.

Oh, and if you play sports, you're in better shape, healthier. That would be good. Unless you take steroids and end up with 'roid rage and beat somebody up, and land in jail....That would would not be a good thing.

So I will end this rambling post with a favorite quote:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

~Les Brown

(photo: Hubble Space Telescope site)

haiku for you

soft, succulent skin
sweet juice dripping on my chin
a perfect ripe peach

note: original haiku by moi, JeSais, circa 2000
photo courtesy of Flickr.com photographer Darwin Bell

No, Non, Niet, Nein, Nao, No y No

... and yet another "rejection" for my pile...

no scholarship for the Taos Summer Writers Conference from the A Room of Her Own foundation. And even though on my last post I said I wasn't hopeful, I lied. I was still hopeful.

And no letter even.
Not even a thank-you-for-your-application- but-you-suck form letter.
Nope. I actually had to ask them, thus making me feel even more pathetic.

I busted my ass to put together the application, with the vague requirements of "10 pages of prose" and a short description of your work... or a cover letter, or whatever. I stressed about what to include, should I just submit what I would be working on in Taos? Should I show the broader scope of my writing abilities? No one seemed to know, everyone had a different opinion, so I was flying blind. There was no information about what kind of recipients have been awarded scholarships in the past. No way to gauge the bar. I mean what if all the recipients in the past already had MFAs and were English professors or published authors? I still would have submitted, but at least I would know the odds were not in my favor. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

So now, I'm sitting here thinking I totally suck. Yesterday I was thinking maybe just maybe it could be me. Why not me? well apparently I'm not good enough.

Not sure I'm cut out for this putting myself out there shit. How do you keep doing it, and getting rejection after rejection?

How do I reprogram the tape player in my head that is saying you suck you suck you suck????

Performing Your Words

Guy Kawasaki has some great tips on his blog on public speaking, gleaned from a buddy, Doug Lawrence, professional singer, music director, and speech coach. Anyone reading at the LA Bloggers Live event may want to take a gander.

Singing and speaking have everything in common—except for maybe really good tunes. The main goal is to engage your audience and make them listen to you, so everything a singer does, a speaker ought to do too. Here are the absolute necessities of an engaging performance or presentation that Doug compiled.....

And you may want to peruse the tips from Toastmasters on public speaking.

I would add:

1. Make sure to BREATHE.

2. S L O W D O W N

3. Don't be afraid of silence.... it is a useful tool that lets the audience absorb what you just said, and pay attention to what you're going to say next.

4. Vary the rhythm and pitch of your voice.

...and finally....

5. Practice. Even if it is just running through the words a couple of times.

Interested in spoken word as art? Well so Theresa Cowan....

While spoken word performers have been around for over two decades in North America, their work has not been studied seriously by academics as an art form worthy of their consideration. Theresa Cowan is working to change this neglect through her research for her PhD in English (under the supervision of Dr. Michael O’Driscoll) that examines spoken word performance in Canada. “I initially became interested in this work because I am a spoken word artist and I found that many ‘academic poets’ made fun of spoken word as ‘bad poetry,’ rather than engage with it on its own terms.”

Do you think PhD candidates in English will soon be studying blogging as an art form? Do YOU think bloggers are writers?

Many of the bloggers I enjoy reading are good writers... personally I wouldn't call all bloggers writers, however. Some create lists of links, for example.

Curious what you think....

See Me Live

Thursday, June 28.

Yes, I know I am not based in L.A.

HOWEVER, I do read some L.A. Bloggers like LeahPeah, and CitizenoftheMonth (although I may have to stop reading that one since Neil called me a narcissistic fool)


BESIDES, there's no cool blogging stuff like this happening in San Diego since Joe and Leah moved "up there," so I'm going.

And if you show up you'll get to hear me live, along with:

Erin from Queen of Spain

Joe from Artlung

Lynda from One Day at a Time

Deezee from Confessional Highway

Neil from Citizen of the Month

Abigail from My Life According to Me

Maybe I'll steal the idea and bring it to San Diego.

Or maybe you'll just have to catch me in LA.

And tell an LA friend. The club, the Tangier Lounge looks cool.

SO. Should I do a reprise of the Me and Billy Crystal audio blog? guaranteed to bring the crowd to tears - OR - something about Barbie and pert boobs?

and the hits, they keep a comin'

So now I find out I didn't get a Leo Love Merit scholarship to the Taos Writers Conference.

No word about the Room of Her Own Foundation scholarship yet, but so far what I have is:

1. Public Radio Talent Quest. Rejected. but seriously, congrats to the round 1 winners
2. Leo Love Merit Scholarship. Rejected.
3. Room of Her Own scholarship... pending... but not hopeful at this point
4. Story submitted to CommonTies.com ... pending... won't know until the 22nd

So think happy thoughts. Not sure if I can take 4 rejections in a row. Or at least this close together.

Anyone have any tips on how to toughen up? to not let this stuff get to you? to keep plugging away regardless? to get up and do it again tomorrow and the next day? or how do you know when you're just kidding yourself?