Live. From L.A. It's LA Bloggers Live

SO... I was thinking I would read my Me and Billy Crystal post. But it was an audio post already, so if you really want to hear about Me and Billy Crystal, you can listen here at my blog. Then I got the brilliant idea that I would read a post from one year ago. But "Not. Good. Enough," it is a bit of a downer.

I've opted to read two posts. One, what I have since developed into what I call my Barbie Rant, but started here as a blog post, so I will read it in its original raw form. Very hard for me to not tweak it, or read it in its now polished form. I'll also read something a little different, I'm not a poet.

Hopefully we'll get the audio recording working and I'll post here.
If you are in the LA area... drop on by. 6:30 pm at the Tangier Lounge.

Warm up for Thursday

Up Up and Away....




read at First Friday, a San Diego Writers, Ink production.

Sounds of Silence

If you like to listen to internet radio... listen up.

That's the Sound of Silence, and not in a Simon and Garfunkel kind of way, but rather in protest of the new high music royalties for Internet radio, established by the Copyright Royalty Board in March which could well put many small, non-commercial stations out of business-- stations like San Diego's own Amplify SD and L.A.'s KCRW along with stations like SomaFM, home of Groove Salad (one of my favorites).

For large commercial operations like Clear Channel, these kinds of rate hikes are absorbed like any other increase in business cost. But for a small independent station, a non-profit public radio station or someone playing local music out of their garage, these fees will make it unrealistic to continue.

From the SaveNetRadio.org site:

On March 2, 2007 the Copyright Royalty Board (CRB), which oversees sound recording royalties paid by Internet radio services, increased Internet radio’s royalty burden between 300 and 1200 percent and thereby jeopardized the industry’s future.

At the request of the Recording Industry Association of America, the CRB ignored the fact that Internet radio royalties were already double what satellite radio pays, and multiplied the royalties even further. The 2005 royalty rate was 7/100 of a penny per song streamed; the 2010 rate will be 19/100 of a penny per song streamed. And for small webcasters that were able to calculate royalties as a percentage of revenue in 2005 – that option was quashed by the CRB, so small webcasters’ royalties will grow exponentially!

So if you don't like the silence, you have just 18 more days to let your voice be heard.... hook up with the folks at SaveNetRadio.org and find out how you can help.


And sorry, but I'm on a roll here with the song title inspired sentences:

Don't let the music die.

It's about time

That which is done with time, time respects."
~Henri Cartier-Bresson, photographer




I'm late posting this, which is funny since the quote is about time. I must admit this post was not done with time, unless of course you count the time I spent noodling this quote.


When I was in New York earlier this year, on one of my wandering around Manhattan days, I happened upon this museum, at the International Center of Photography. It wasn't on my list. I just ended up there. And it looked interesting, so I pluncked down the ten dollar admission fee and wandered. It was a quiet little museum. Not packed like the Met or the Guggenheim. Not a big tourist draw. Which is a shame because the exhibits were terrific. This is the kind of place where I would hang out, take classes, attend events, if I lived in New York.



The exhibit for Henri Cartier-Bresson included a mini documentary with the artist talking about his work. This quote struck a chord with me so I wrote it down in my notebook.

It bears repeating. "That which is done with time, time respects."

Don't rush. Take the time to do a thing right, and it will last.

Another interesting thing about Cartier-Bresson is that he was a patient man. He would set up his camera and wait. He didn't stage the scene, but rather waited for the scene to happen. Sometimes he waited for a long time. His pictures show the care with which he took them. And they are as relevant and beautiful now as they were 70 years ago.

Oh for Four

Not being much for sports, I'm not sure if that's how you say it or not.... the fact that out of the 4 things I shot for last month, I bombed on all four. Let's recap:

1. I'm not in the running to be the next public radio star

2. No Leo Love scholarship

3. No Room of Her Own Foundation scholarship

and finally,

4. No publication in Commonties Story Blog

Yes, I'm obsessing about it. I'm not all weepy or anything anymore, but rather contemplative. I think if I had played sports I would be better able to handle this. Yup. Sports is the key. You learn how to fail. How to really blow it, then get back in the game again. And again.

Perhaps also as important, playing sports teaches you how to win... because even when you win, you still have to do it again the next day. Or the next month or year. You can't rest on your laurels (what ARE laurels anyway?)

Practice is another good sports lesson. How you practice, a little every day, and see a little improvement every day. No one right out of the womb knows how to score a homerun, or do a jump shot. Nope. That takes practice. Practice may not make perfect, but it sure gets you a lot closer.

Sports also teaches you to work with a team (that is if you play team sports). You learn how to let each person do what they do best and you compensate for each others' weaknesses.

Oh, and if you play sports, you're in better shape, healthier. That would be good. Unless you take steroids and end up with 'roid rage and beat somebody up, and land in jail....That would would not be a good thing.

So I will end this rambling post with a favorite quote:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

~Les Brown

(photo: Hubble Space Telescope site)

haiku for you

soft, succulent skin
sweet juice dripping on my chin
a perfect ripe peach

note: original haiku by moi, JeSais, circa 2000
photo courtesy of Flickr.com photographer Darwin Bell

Father's Day 2007

DOH! I totally didn't put the two together... the way I felt yesterday.
Tired.
Bone tired.
And sad.
Bone sad.

It's so damn complicated. I miss my Dad and I'm so angry at the mess he left us.

And I miss my Dad.

I haven't forgotten about my real estate obsession

My latest rant is regarding the Fed, and possible plans to "fix" the mortgage market. Hello? The mortgage market in my humble and uneducated opinion was running its course. Supply and demand, with a little greed thrown in, at its finest.

This NPR story really took me over the top on this issue... specifically the interview with Sheri Stinson of Minneapolis, who earns $2,000 a month and who's mortgage payment just jumped an additional $500... to $1,800. And she has two kids and a car payment, and you know, food to buy.... If her payments had stayed at $1,300 a month she still couldn't make ends meet.


I'm sorry there are people in a bind. I want to buy a home too, but over the last year or two I looked at 1. my income. 2. the price of real estate 3. how much I can put down and 4. my income.

Did I mention MY INCOME??? NOT what I am approved for.

So now, my tax dollars, which are significant (not in a Bill Gates kind of way) since I HAVE NO WRITE OFFS, are supposed to help out someone who got in over their head? who didn't read the fine print? Didn't understand variable interest rates?
OR worse, to bail out some mortgage company or bank...

I certainly don't wish anyone ill will, but there is no guarantee in this country that says you get to own a house. Hell we don't even guarantee everyone access to health care.

yes I'm neurotic

Aren't we all?

I know I just posted that very negative post. I wrote it earlier. I don't feel that bad anymore, but it did feel cathartic to expunge it from my body. To get those words out of my head... So please, don't feel you need to comment with words of support. I DO know I have friends out there in the universe, in the blogosphere, and even here in my home, in my neighborhood and in my cobbled together family.

and if you are feeling bad, check out Jen Lemen's blog. I met her at Blogher in New York.

No, Non, Niet, Nein, Nao, No y No

... and yet another "rejection" for my pile...

no scholarship for the Taos Summer Writers Conference from the A Room of Her Own foundation. And even though on my last post I said I wasn't hopeful, I lied. I was still hopeful.

And no letter even.
Not even a thank-you-for-your-application- but-you-suck form letter.
Nope. I actually had to ask them, thus making me feel even more pathetic.

I busted my ass to put together the application, with the vague requirements of "10 pages of prose" and a short description of your work... or a cover letter, or whatever. I stressed about what to include, should I just submit what I would be working on in Taos? Should I show the broader scope of my writing abilities? No one seemed to know, everyone had a different opinion, so I was flying blind. There was no information about what kind of recipients have been awarded scholarships in the past. No way to gauge the bar. I mean what if all the recipients in the past already had MFAs and were English professors or published authors? I still would have submitted, but at least I would know the odds were not in my favor. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

So now, I'm sitting here thinking I totally suck. Yesterday I was thinking maybe just maybe it could be me. Why not me? well apparently I'm not good enough.

Not sure I'm cut out for this putting myself out there shit. How do you keep doing it, and getting rejection after rejection?

How do I reprogram the tape player in my head that is saying you suck you suck you suck????

Performing Your Words

Guy Kawasaki has some great tips on his blog on public speaking, gleaned from a buddy, Doug Lawrence, professional singer, music director, and speech coach. Anyone reading at the LA Bloggers Live event may want to take a gander.

Singing and speaking have everything in common—except for maybe really good tunes. The main goal is to engage your audience and make them listen to you, so everything a singer does, a speaker ought to do too. Here are the absolute necessities of an engaging performance or presentation that Doug compiled.....

And you may want to peruse the tips from Toastmasters on public speaking.

I would add:

1. Make sure to BREATHE.

2. S L O W D O W N

3. Don't be afraid of silence.... it is a useful tool that lets the audience absorb what you just said, and pay attention to what you're going to say next.

4. Vary the rhythm and pitch of your voice.

...and finally....

5. Practice. Even if it is just running through the words a couple of times.

Interested in spoken word as art? Well so Theresa Cowan....

While spoken word performers have been around for over two decades in North America, their work has not been studied seriously by academics as an art form worthy of their consideration. Theresa Cowan is working to change this neglect through her research for her PhD in English (under the supervision of Dr. Michael O’Driscoll) that examines spoken word performance in Canada. “I initially became interested in this work because I am a spoken word artist and I found that many ‘academic poets’ made fun of spoken word as ‘bad poetry,’ rather than engage with it on its own terms.”

Do you think PhD candidates in English will soon be studying blogging as an art form? Do YOU think bloggers are writers?

Many of the bloggers I enjoy reading are good writers... personally I wouldn't call all bloggers writers, however. Some create lists of links, for example.

Curious what you think....

See Me Live

Thursday, June 28.

Yes, I know I am not based in L.A.

HOWEVER, I do read some L.A. Bloggers like LeahPeah, and CitizenoftheMonth (although I may have to stop reading that one since Neil called me a narcissistic fool)


BESIDES, there's no cool blogging stuff like this happening in San Diego since Joe and Leah moved "up there," so I'm going.

And if you show up you'll get to hear me live, along with:

Erin from Queen of Spain

Joe from Artlung

Lynda from One Day at a Time

Deezee from Confessional Highway

Neil from Citizen of the Month

Abigail from My Life According to Me

Maybe I'll steal the idea and bring it to San Diego.

Or maybe you'll just have to catch me in LA.

And tell an LA friend. The club, the Tangier Lounge looks cool.

SO. Should I do a reprise of the Me and Billy Crystal audio blog? guaranteed to bring the crowd to tears - OR - something about Barbie and pert boobs?

aka Je Sais... I know.

Just so you know I don't really know.

and the hits, they keep a comin'

So now I find out I didn't get a Leo Love Merit scholarship to the Taos Writers Conference.

No word about the Room of Her Own Foundation scholarship yet, but so far what I have is:

1. Public Radio Talent Quest. Rejected. but seriously, congrats to the round 1 winners
2. Leo Love Merit Scholarship. Rejected.
3. Room of Her Own scholarship... pending... but not hopeful at this point
4. Story submitted to CommonTies.com ... pending... won't know until the 22nd

So think happy thoughts. Not sure if I can take 4 rejections in a row. Or at least this close together.

Anyone have any tips on how to toughen up? to not let this stuff get to you? to keep plugging away regardless? to get up and do it again tomorrow and the next day? or how do you know when you're just kidding yourself?

I'm not the next NPR star

yet.

Well, thanks everyone for your votes. The voting has closed. The judging is over. And I did not make the list of top 100 vote getters at the public radio talent quest... nor did I make the list of entries nominated by more than one judge.

I only listened to 200 entries. A few stinkers, a lot of really good entries and a couple of Wows. There is an amazing group of talented people over there at the public radio talent quest. I'd like to think that I made it to the list of 200 entries that were passed on the judges. I don't know if that is true or not, but I learned a lot in pursuing this.

First and foremost, why not me? In this case I don't know. Many of the entries were prepared by real live radio professionals. I'm not saying that in a sour grapes kind of way, it's an honest appraisal. I think I held my own. I learned a lot about putting together a small piece. I got a little more practice using my recording equipment, and using a sound editing program. Although my idea about Creativity Is has been percolating for a while... this project forced me to distill it, formulate the words, and articulate what I was trying to say. What I can still say.

And I know for sure that I would not have won if I had not entered. Ya gotta play to win, right? This is big for me... to actually put stuff out there. To give it a shot. I have to say I am really proud of myself for trying, giving it my best shot.

And you know the adage, "Be careful what you wish for you just might get it...." In this case, it probably is a good thing I did not win. How demanding will Round 2 of the contest be? Round 3? I have a job. A good paying job that I enjoy very much. And I am writing a book. And there are still only 24 hours in a day last time I checked. 6-8 hours for sleeping. 8 hours for work, and 8 hours for friends, family, eating, hanging out, writing, recording, movies, reading, etc.

So, I'll continue noodling around with audio, working with my friend Rich to produce his short story, work on something audio of my own, or with other fellow writers... maybe I'll make more sound sculptures, layers of words and music, pieces that wouldn't really fit into a public radio show format, like this piece called "F_ck, Pause."
it may be offensive (I warned you) I was in a weird mood.
OR

Maybe I'll go ahead and produce a show, Creativity Is, and podcast it, or submit it to public radio via the Public Radio Exchange. Or not.
Oh the ideas they are a flowing....

What exactly IS post punk anyway?

I admit it. I was prepared to not like the evening lineup. I mean Eileen Myles reported attitude had left a bad taste in my mouth. And frankly, for some strange reason it is easier to be against something.

I got the flyer for the “art happening” at The Whistle Stop via email and I diligently posted the event – yes, with a sarcastic headline—at SanDiegoBlog.com. And then I even made plans to go. To go see what “art” in Eileen Myles’ mind really is.

Wednesday started with my weekly Read and Critique Group. We meet every Wednesday. The group is facilitated by Judy Reeves, Writer. We’re making art in our own right. Quietly. Diligently. We write. We work on our craft. It just isn’t public, but it is indicative of art happening in San Diego. It’s subtle. Like winter in San Diego. Or spring. You have to slow down and look. It IS there.

Only this time I had coffee. So I could stay up past 9 pm... After my Read and Critique Group, Judy, Rich and I headed up to South Park to the Whistle Stop, to get a little more art.

I was the first to arrive, which was amazing considering I drive like my grandma, but that’s another story. In the 20 minutes it took my to get a beer (ever feel like you’re invisible as taller people reach over you to shove money in the bartender’s face?) the place got pretty full. And finally I saw Judy and Rich come in through the front door. It was 9:20 or so. The show was scheduled to start at 9 pm. Strike one. (military brat here. Bad to be late)

The show was billed as “old fashioned kite flying puppetry collective featuring eileen myles. ryan griffith. esteban ortega.

Ryan Griffith was the first on board, closer to 10 pm than 9pm. He introduced himself, and said something along the lines of “I know there’s a lot of people here from UCSD, and San Diego State. And City College. And we’re all writers. And there’s just no place for us here in San Diego….”

And under my breath I said “bullshit.” Because I know there are tons of writerly events going on all the time in San Diego. Many of which are hosted by San Diego Writers Ink. And take place RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET AT THE GROVE every First Friday of the month… and the booze is free….
But I didn’t say that. This was his gig after all.

As Ryan continued, “We just really wanted to create something here in San Diego.” I was feeling like he was being so patronizing, like he was so proud of himself, creating a little art for the poor art-deprived folks of San Diego….

And I kept my mouth shut. And I was prepared to dislike whatever his “art” was.

But I didn’t. He performed a poem, set to music (a melodic electric guitar in a sort of ambient minor key sounding riff that was very mood setting). In the background Ryan had a digital art presentation to follow along. It was cool. It was exactly the kind of art I would do, layers of visual expression, words, and music. I was intrigued. I wanted more.

Next up, Eileen Myles. I was truly prepared to dislike her. Which I hate to admit because I like to think of myself as open minded. I don’t care if she’s a post punk lesbian… my best friend is a lesbian (Hi Julie !) But considering the fact that she dissed my town, well, I had high expectations. She's from New York. She must know art....

I noticed her when I first came into the bar. She was the only one that looked like a more masculine version of Andy Warhol (but with a better hairdo). Her look is a little harsh, but I fits her post modern/punk/feminist/lesbian/poet persona…

So when she came up on stage, I was ready. I was sure I would get some good solid angst-ridden post punk feminist poetry. And I was disappointed.

Instead, what I saw was a woman who came alive on stage. And as I watched her read her harsh look softened. I thought to myself, she’s actually pretty. I could tell this was her bliss. She was doing what she loved to do. Words.

Now I wouldn’t call what she read poetry. And I realize there is a pretty broad definition of what constitutes poetry, and I embrace that definition, but she read a piece that she had contributed to an anthology. It was about flossing. And so much more. And I would call it prose… but that’s neither here nor there… Eileen herself was engaging, and animated, and endearing in her reading. So I get why she’s published. I get why she’s “a cult figure to a generation of post-punk females forming their own literary avant guarde.”

But I still don’t get why she doesn’t see that there is art, even poetry events in San Diego.

Now the third “act” of the evening… the puppet portion of the evening… to quote my friend Rich:

The Ship Is The Essex!!! The Whale IS The Essex!!! This Is Not The Real
Essex!!! This Is Nantucket!!! This is a Town Just Like Nantucket!!

It was too loud. It was cacophony at its finest. It hurt my ears and frankly I put on better shows when I was in third grade. Besides I had finished my beer and the line at the bar was too long to get another. Oh, and I had a 20 mile drive home. So I left.

Last chance

Voting ends tomorrow.
Do feel free to just go listen. Lots of good creative audio stuff happening over there.

And if you were to register, and vote (for me), even submit a comment, well I wouldn't mind at all.